Thursday, January 29, 2009

I am ME

I believe in God
But I don't go to church
I live by the 10 commandments
But I don't understand some of God's choices
I do believe that even though I don't go to Church I will definately go to HeAVen

I measure myself against what I want to BE
I'm not the perfect size
Or the perfect mom
I'm not as successful as I think I should be
I'm not as motivated as I should be

I try to motivate myself to become closer to the perfect size
I work on being a better mom
I think about the things I can to do to be successful
I try to think of ways to be more motivated

Some days,
I can't help but think about how disgustingly fat I am
I can't help but think of all the ways I'm a bad mom
I can't help but think about all the things I should be doing to be more successful
I can't help but think about why I can't be as motivated as other moms

And some times,
I can look at myself in the mirror and appreciate that I have nice legs
I can look at how happy my kids are and pat myself on the back
I can count the successes of my life
I can look at all my accomplishments and realize that motivation played a part

But most of the time,
On bad days I can find quite a few things to smile about
And quite a few things to laugh about

I can make myself laugh and smile when I am at my last straw
I can feel a little sexy
And I can forget about everything by just hearing a giggle come from one of my boys

I will never be perfect
Or the perfect size
I will never be as successful as the one I envy
Or the perfect mom
but I am Me